Precedent for President

We don’t normally deal in satire but the best satire is the closest to the truth. In keeping with my current practise I’ll probably steal some of Marty Mensch‘s punch lines when writing to answer Action Items.

  • Bibi Netanyahu now leads Barak Obama in several national polls to take the U.S. Presidency from him in the 2012 election. While Bibi can prove he is a U.S. citizen because he lived in Elkins Park, PA for many years, if in fact that should be disputed he holds a U.S. passport.
  • Bibi pledges to give Americans the same healthcare his dad gets, who just turned 100.
  • Bibi will furthermore, add 500 new settlements across the United States to get the U.S. out of its construction slump.
  • He will share Washington D.C. with the Palestinians, so they can use it as their capital for a future Palestinian state and the Obama’s would not have to feel they have to leave Washington .
  • Bibi will have 3 million Palestinians from Gaza and the West Bank come to the U.S. to campaign for immigration reform.
  • Bibi has asked ACORN to go to Israel to register Likud supporters so they can vote in the upcoming U.S. election.
  • He will continue to require that all CIA personnel practice their tennis.
  • He will continue to set tariffs on gefilte fish from Illinois to Israel, not recognizing the state as legally part of the U.S. and therefore not part of the Free Trade Agreement.
  • Bibi will bid space on the security fence between Mexico and the U.S. to major world wide corporations to pay off the large U.S debt.
  • Bibi will settle the squabble between Democrats and Republicans by offering them a two state solution. Whereas all blue states became Democrat and all Red states Republican, so the Republicans can hang the 10 commandments in the courts and the Democrats do not have to recite the Pelage of Allegiance.
  • He will allow Hillary Clinton to continue her unwavering support for Israel as a volunteer at Long Island Jewish Medical Center.
  • He will ask Richard Goldstone to investigate the large number of civilian casualties that accrue in Washington DC by government personnel firing missiles disguised as automobiles.
  • He will move Teva Pharmaceutical to Mexico , so the drug cartel can manufacture drugs legally.
  • Bibi has started proximity talks between NFL’s commissioner Roger Goodell to build a stadium in Washington DC for the Congressional Bull, and Tony Perez who is CBS’ Fantasy Baseball Commissioner to start a U.S. Presidential Fantasy training camp for Obama. He has also enlisted Rod Blagojevich to sell the stadium seats.
  • Bibi will return all territory falling back from Louisiana to what Jefferson described as enough territory to satisfy America’s expanding population “ For a 100 perhaps a 1,000 generations”.
  • He will release all 2 million prisoners’ held in U.S. detention facilities to ease tension and build confidence among America ’s neighborhoods.

Happy Pesach

About David Guy

B.A./B.C.A. (Communication and Media Arts) University of Wollongong, AUSTRALIA M.A. in Government (Diplomacy and Conflict Studies) Inter Disciplinary Center, Herzliya, ISRAEL Twitter @5MFI
This entry was posted in 5MFI Blog. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Precedent for President

  1. Pingback: Precedent For President Five Minutes For Israel

Comments are closed.